i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
