If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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