I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
