remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
