She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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