i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
