i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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