so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
