I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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