...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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