apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
