literally had 100 drinks last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
