Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
