The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I look better un-naked...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
