So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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