i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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