don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize