it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
