i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
