I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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