My hand turned me down
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
