she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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