i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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