Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
