I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
