Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
