We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
