tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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