Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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