just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
