It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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