I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
