I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
