I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
