there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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