Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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