i just google imaged poop.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
