Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Life is so much better after having sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
