My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
