a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
