after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
