He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
