so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
