I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
