Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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