Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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