Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
