I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
