OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
