I didn't shave. On purpose
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
