totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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