were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
