his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize