this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
