butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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