i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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