I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
