$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
