I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
lets start a swedish sibling band together
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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