Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You made out with two different species that night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
