Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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