The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
