Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
