Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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