I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm bleeding and have questions
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
