so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
