When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
