Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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