so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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