I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
