You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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