I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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