just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
