and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
